should i be glad or sad?

seriously, should i be happy or sad that my birthday's coming?
i think i'm overly excited, hyper, and too tired that i am not thinking properly these 2 nights. kept saying the wrong things to the wrong person. in the past, opening up to someone is hard, these 2 nights, it seems that i open up to everyone, everyone whom i'm not supposed to. damn. really feel like giving myself a tight slap!

had my last term test yesterday. i only have 3 this sem. still ok. and my last project is due today. so actually my timetable is slacking liao. more relaxed pace except for the weekly lab reports. so i've decided to go out and shop for my birthday. window shopping for things i like and get the skirt i want. thought finally!!! but sigh. guess wat i feel so demoralised after the whole thing. it seems as though the whole street's clothes all shrinked, or is it that singapore girls are getting more small size, or rather to put it blankly i grew fatter? or i did not slim down enough? anyway i must say still not enough. i know it but it still feels bad la proving it... maybe i should learn to make my own clothes so next time no such problems. i can even try designin for myself...

ok people, i'm saying negative stuff abt myself now, but its just part of venting emotions. after which i'm fine liao. so no worries. let me continue.

i thought i'm reaching the age of 21, adult. can handle and decide things on my own. but why is it that when it comes down to it, i am always led aside by others. why why? it has always been like this, and i;ve always hated it. but yet i always can't seem to do otherwise. damn!